A Marriage FAQ

April 17th marks nine years that Wren and I have been married. In honor of this celebratory date, I will be posting quite a few blog posts centered around our marriage and the love we share for each other. Next up: a marriage FAQ.

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How did you meet your husband?I met Wren by coincidence when I was 17-years-old and he was 20-years-old. He came to my house to collect a check from my father, but my father was running late from a business meeting so I kept him company. We got into talking and discovered we had a lot in common. When it was time for Wren to leave he left and we didn't stay in contact for a couple months. Then, four months later, he called me and asked me out. Turns out he left his phone number on the receipt my dad had and my dad thought I knew about it and didn't bring it up to me! I said yes and we went on our first date three days later, and about every three days after that for six months until Wren proposed! We were married six months later on April 17th, 2004 and it has been a true fairytale since the day I met my Prince Charming.

When you met him, did you have any idea that you would marry him?
I met Wren one day and didn't see him for three months after that, so yes I did feel an attraction to him but it quickly faded. Once he called me and asked me on a date, though, and I heard his voice on the phone I was reminded once again why I liked this man: there was something about him that made me feel special and happy. After our first date, Wren kissed my on the cheek and as he drove away, I knew I was in love with this man that he would one day be my husband. As cheesy as it may sound, it was definitely love at first sight for Wren and me. Whenever I was with Wren I didn't want to leave him and whenever I wasn't with him I couldn't wait to be with him again. And I remember after our first date telling my mom, "I just know it, Mom, this is the man i'm going to marry." Our love was that real and our connection was that instant.

On some level, you essentially "grew up" along side of your husband. What have been the challenges that accompany that? Benefits?
Wren and I met and began a life together when we were very young, so it is correct that we grew up and matured together. There were definitely some struggles we faced, especially when we married because we had to go from kids to adults overnight. Suddenly there were questions like how are we going to pay the bills? and how are we going to balance college, work, and our marriage? But the beauty of this is that I wasn't alone or Wren wasn't alone, we were going through our struggles together as a team, as husband and wife, as one. And these struggles only brought us closer because they tested our marriage, tested our faith, and tested our honesty; but our struggles never tested our love and commitment to one another, though. The benefits definitely include having a strong marriage (because of all the conflicts we went through in the beginning), maturing faster, having more memories and years spent together, and so much more.

When did you two move in together? When did you get engaged and married?
Wren and I were engaged after exactly six months of courtship and married on our one year anniversary. It was on our wedding night that we moved in together. Many people find two things strange about this: 1) that we married so soon AND 2) that we moved in together after marriage (not before). Firstly, we were young and in-love and knew that marriage was the best step for our relationship. Secondly, Wren and I are strong believers that certain things should be saved for marriage, and one of those things is waiting until marriage to share a bedroom. That is what marriage is designed for and it has made our marriage so much more special.

Did your family and friends ever encourage you to date other people or slow down your relationship?
No, fortunately both sides of our family have been very supportive of our relationship from the very beginning.  It is evident to them how in love we are in-love with each other and have done everything to encourage our courtship and help our marriage from the very beginning. Maybe it's because both of our parents married young, maybe not, but we're very lucky to have such supporting, encouraging parents.

Do you think you missed anything by not dating heaps of people?
What is there to miss? I am very lucky to have found my soul mate at a very young age; someone who is nice, smart, loving, etc.. Meeting Wren saved me from a lot: heartbreak, a bad relationship, an experience with a bad guy, and more. So did I miss anything? No, I don't believe so.

The vast majority of relationships that begin at 17 do not end in marriage- despite what we may believe when we are 16. What advice may you give somebody who is interested in a long term relationship with someone they started dating while they were young?
The first and biggest piece of advice is to never give up. I know couples who go from so in-love to absolutely hating each other, and they are frustrated and hopeless so they do not work on their marriage. But if you don't work on your marriage how can you fix it? Also, make your marriage a priority everyday. Don't put your relationship off to the side because you have kids or because you are too tired to spend time together. Wren and I do this by spending at least an hour of alone time every day together; and even though it usually happens once the kids go bed it is so special for our relationship. Sometimes i'll wait and eat dinner with Wren once he comes home from work and the kids are asleep; other times we'll stay up late and read in bed together; sometimes we'll watch a movie together, it just depends. Also, kiss your husband good morning and goodnight everyday, and never go to bed angry with each other.