One of the questions I am most frequently asked is what my days look like as a mother to a large family. While we try and maintain a structured schedule with a general idea of what is supposed to happen there is no average day. Every day is different and nothing ever goes as planned. Some days I don't get dressed. Some days a tantrum takes up so much time that we've missed a part of naptime. Some days I don't do any chores, where as some days I get a lot of chores done. It just depends on the day, what we have going on, and what type of mood everybody is. If I'm in a good mood, things tend to go good. If the kids are in a bad mood, things tend to go really bad. At the end of the day I look back and hope that a lot got accomplished, whether it be the grocery shopping or the laundry or reading with the kids, but if it didn't I'm usually okay with that. There is no such thing as a perfect day for my family. That comes with having a large family. And you know what, I do not care about smoothly run, scheduled days where I get everything done and time for myself as much as I care about Maya, Amari, Kenyan, Gianna, Ira, Arlet, Elaina, and Gabriella Kingston... oh, and that amazing, caring, helpful husband of mine, Wren.
Here is what my morning looked like today...
5:30am- My alarm goes off. Every night I go to bed and hope that my night of slumber will be peaceful and I won't be woken up by any of the children, but like every single night since I have become a mom I am woken up. Once, twice, maybe three times... if I'm lucky. Other times it is more like five times a night. I am so exhausted and ponder hitting snooze, but I know I have to get up. I have a lot to do and I need my day to run smoothly so it's up and moving for me. This morning I have scheduled (for only the first hour of my day!): a morning run with friends, a shower, and, hopefully, fifteen minutes to get dressed, do my hair, and put on makeup. If I'm lucky this will happen, if I'm not lucky I will have to resort to sweats, my hair in a ponytail, and no makeup.
6:30am- I am back from my run with friends. It was great; four miles in forty-five minutes. I've been running almost every morning for weeks now, while Wren is asleep and can stay home with the kids, and I love it. Running not only gives me a newfound energy, but an opportunity to get away from motherhood for an hour. It's just me, my friends, and our "Running Moms Club." Just as I had hoped I came home at 6:30am, showered until 6:15, and got dressed, did my hair, and did my makeup in forty-five minutes. By 7am I am ready to start my day!
7:00am- Wren is up and has started the coffee. The big kids (Maya, Amari, Kenyan, and Gianna) have their weekly school program today so I have to make lunches and get them ready for school. (As a homeschooling mom I feel so weird saying that!) I try to make healthy lunches that are also delicious and fun. But it gets tricky with four (mildly picky) kids. Maya and Kenyan do not like crust, Amari and Gianna do. Maya is allergic to strawberries. Kenyan loves vegetables, while the other kids prefer fruit. This all makes me wonder: have I turned into a short-order chef? I have decided on peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the shape of stars (no crust for Maya and Kenyan!), kiwis and grapes, carrot sticks, and a cheese stick. Oh, and lets not forget about a note for each of the kiddos.
7:15- I have fifteen minutes before the kids wakeup. I have a huge decision to make: I can either use the fifteen minutes of spare time to make the kids a delicious, healthy breakfast other than cereal OR I can use the fifteen minutes to catch up on my emails, call my sister, and drink my coffee in peace. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I feel like a contestant on Deal or No Deal deciding if he should accept the Banker's offer or keep playing the game to try and win the million dollar prize. I decide to surprise the kids and make them a different than usual breakfast. On weekdays we tend to have cold cereal, oatmeal, or yoghurt and granola, whereas on weekends we have eggs, pancakes, or waffles, but I feel like surprising my babies. So I whip up something quick that the kids will love: cheesy scrambled eggs, toast, and fruit salad.
7:30am- Alarms go off for the older kids and Wren goes into the little girls room to wake them up (Ira, Arlet, and Elaina), with the exception of Gabriella who is a newborn and sleeps until she wants. Everyone makes their way to the kitchen. I give each child a kiss and say good morning and then they each take a seat at the table. Some of them are cranky, others are pleasantly and excitedly surprised for the breakfast I made. We eat for fifteen minutes, all while doing morning scriptures. We have a few minutes leftover so Amari vividly tells the family about the dream he had the night before. "I was being chased by a monster but my pet monster came to save me so I got on his back and we ran away from the bad monster! It was awesome!" I love his imagination.
7:50am- Wren and I have less than an hour, fifty minutes to be exact, to get the older kids ready for school: dressed, teeth brushed, and hair done. I settle the little girls in their playpen with coloring books and crayons (and baby monitors!) so that Wren and I can divide and conquer the children. I take the girls, Wren takes the boys. He hates doing the girls hair, so I'm usually the one who ends up with the girls each morning. The clothes I picked out for the kids are in their bedrooms. Maya is wearing a purple shirt with a butterfly on the front and a striped purple skirt. Kenyan and Amari are matching in blue V-neck shirts and black shorts. Gianna is wearing a pink dress with yellow leggings. Then we do their hair: braided ponytail for Maya, a quick brushing for the boys, and a bun for Gianna. Their teeth get brushed. Shoes are on. I snap a quick picture because the kids look so cute and are all matching. Plus, I can't take the picture after they come home from school because their outfits will most likely be stained and the girls hair will not be as perfectly done as when they left in the morning. Soon it is...
8:45am- We're five minutes off schedule but it's only a two minute drive to school so that is okay. Usually we'll walk as a family to school and drop the kids off, but today the younger girls aren't even dressed yet and Gabriella is still sleeping (say what?). Today Wren will take the girls to school on his way to work. School starts promptly at 9am, though, and so does Wren's job so I kiss the kids and Wren and they are all quickly out the door. As soon as the door slams shut is when conflict begins. Ira starts crying for Wren. This makes Elaina upset, which makes Arlet upset, which wakes Gabriella up. Oh, how great. I run and pick Gabriella up who, thankfully, stops crying as soon as she feels my touch. We head into the playroom where the girls are and I sit down and comfort the three of them, reminding them, like always, that Daddy will be back. Ira is very attached to her father and, because of her experience in an orphanage in Ethiopia, has developed major attachment issues to both Wren and myself. If Wren isn't home she gets very upset. If I am not home she gets very upset. If both of us aren't home she gets EXTREMELY upset. But, Wren and I are committed to Ira and knew that adopting from Ethiopia would come with challenges. We love her and are here for her 100 percent.
9:00am- I get Ira, Arlet, Elaina, and Gabriella dressed for the day. This is way harder than dressing four kids for school because the girls cannot sit still for more than a minute and I have to keep all of them in one room with me while I dress them. This takes twenty to thirty minutes on a good day. Today is a good day, it takes me twenty-five minutes. Although during these twenty-five minutes I thought it was going to take an hour! Gabriella wouldn't stop crying, Arlet wanted to be held, Ira was climbing on top of me, and Elaina knocked over a basket of dirty clothes. I take what seemed like one hundred deep breaths before I'm finally done. Ira is in a yellow shirt with white polka dots and blue jean shorts. Arlet is dressed in a pink romper with flowers. Elaina is dressed in a pink dress with ruffles across the bottom. Gabriella is dressed in a purple onesie that says "I'm cute, aren't I?" Oh yes, baby girl, you are.
9:30am- We head outside to play while it is still nice outside. The forecast says it's going to rain so I want to get the girls outside to play and run around and lose some energy before naptime. If they don't do something to get their energy out each day than there is no hope that they'll fall asleep for nap. And trust me, I need them to take their daily naps. We sit in the front yard. I hold Gabriella who is dosing off between consciousness and sleep. Ira waters our flowers. Arlet and Elaina draw on the driveway with paint. A couple times some other neighborhood moms walk by and we get into talking. Really makes me appreciate living in such a family friendly neighborhood. At one point Ira falls and scrapes her knee and let me tell you my little drama queen acted AS IF IT WERE THE END OF THE WORLD. There was screaming and tears and panic over one little scrap with absolutely no blood. Once again this is over the conditions she lived in in Ethiopia and the constant fear of death my poor daughter had. Anyways, we all went inside, I cleaned it, put a Dora the Explorer sticker on it, and Ira was all better.
10:00am- The girls sit at the kitchen table and work on a jigsaw puzzle while I whip up their morning snack. A couple minutes later an argument abrupts between Ira and Elaina. There is yelling and crying between the two of them and even hitting. I do not tolerate any violence in my home so it was straight to timeout for the two of them. The rule in our house is a 5-minute automatic timeout with an additional 5-minutes if the child does not stop crying, throws a fit of any kind, is argumentative, etc. One of my daughters only had to stay in timeout for the required five minutes, the other had to stay in timeout for five additional minutes. This pushed snack back by five minutes but finally we all have snack together- apples and broccoli- with a lecture about why it is important to be nice to people, especially sisters, and to remember that, at the end of the day, all my children has is their siblings so it is important to nourish their bond and be caring towards each other. How do you translate that to a 3-year-old and 2-year-old? I tried my hardest and I think I got it right. Afterwords Ira walked up to Elaina and hugged her. Aw!
10:30am- Naptime for the girls. We complete our daily ritual of cleaning up snack time and playtime, go to the bathroom, and then I tuck each girl in for a nap. Hopefully they'll sleep the whole 120 minutes. I think so, they burned a lot of energy playing outside. Once the girls are asleep I start my daily chores: laundry, dishes, etc. On today's list is laundry, breakfast dishes, vacuuming, and I have to make the grocery list for the upcoming week. I walk into the laundry room, which is also where the kids keep their school supplies (backpacks, lunch pales, etc.) and see Maya's fieldtrip permission form sitting there. Silly Maya, she forgot her form. Oh well, I guess she'll have to turn it in next week. Except, NO, it says right on the front that it is due today or else she cannot go on the field trip. What?! I call Wren and see if he can come home early so I can run by the school and drop the permission slip off. No, he is in a meeting. I call my next door neighbor, Mrs. Perkins. No, she's in Italy. Finally a lightbulb goes off in my head and I call the school to see if I can fax it to them. Perfect, I can. Problem solved. That was a complete waste of stress and madness for twenty minutes. I continue with chores.
11:30am- An alarm on my phone goes off. I quickly turn it off or else it will wakeup the girls and I do not want that to happen. I read the label on the alarm and it says "Mothers Retreat Conference Call." Oh shoot, I completely forgot. I run upstairs to my office but realize I forgot the baby monitor so I run back downstairs. Once I'm back in my office I shut the door and begin the call. It was very successful and we (the co-planners of this event and I) got a lot planned for our upcoming retreat.
12:15pm- Once I finish the call I look at the clock and realize the girls will be up in 15 minutes. Wow, I completely lost track of the time. I run downstairs to the kitchen and start lunch. Today's menu includes grilled cheese, grapes, and carrot sticks. In the middle of cooking the grilled cheese I burn one of the sandwiches. I'm surprised the fire alarms didn't go off! And as I am chopping the carrot sticks I realize none of the girls can eat hard carrots because of their baby teeth. I quickly change their vegetable from carrot sticks to tomato wedges. Lunch gets done cooking at exactly 12:30pm, which is right when the girls wakeup from their naps. Record time! I place everything on the table and here a door open, followed by footsteps and the word "Mommy, we're up."
It's only noon and my day is only half way done. Oh. My. Goodness.
Part 2 of Day In the Life is coming soon!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Thursday, July 4, 2013
10 Things I Want My Daughters to Know
Dearest Maya, Gianna, Ira, Arlet, Honor, Elaina, and Gabriella,
Being a mother is my most proudest title. With you and your brothers I feel complete and my best self. From the moment I knew of your existence I couldn't imagine my life without you. My girls. I knew what an honor and gift it would be to be your mother. But it is also scary and quite a tedious job, because I want to make sure I am raising you to be proper, modest, kind, smart, poised girls. And so it has been my heart's desire to guard your heart, protect it, and cherish it during all my days of motherhood.
You all give me a role that I am so grateful for. But who I am and the fact that I am a wife and mother would not have been possible without one thing: the fact that I am a woman. Being a woman is incredible and an honor (I'd much rather be a girl than a boy any day!) but it can also be scary and confusing, especially in today's world. Society is telling you to act one way, when it is actually better to act another way.
I have lived an incredible life, and in this life I have made incredible memories and also a whole bunch of mistakes, just like anyone. From those mistakes, though, have come life lessons and experiences that have made me the person I am today. I want you to know of them and how you should (try) and live your life so you will live your best life and be your best self. Because life is scary. But it's also wonderful. So wonderful that I want you to enjoy it.
And remember, I will always love you.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. Here are ten things I want you to know as you grow up. Things I wish I would of known as a child.
1. You are SO beautiful. Society is grooming children to feel like they need to look and act a certain way, but listen to your mother when I say this is not true. It does not matter what color your hair is, how tall you are, how much you weigh, etc., all that matters is that you are healthy and happy. Uniqueness is truly beautiful, and it is more appealing to stand out and not be stereo typical and the cookie cutter girl. Think about it this way: you are a rare gem in a sea of average diamonds and pearls. Cherish this.
2. Don't let anything stop you. This world is full of negativity, full of "do nots", and full of "no's." When you have a dream, chase it. When you want something, follow it. You will not always reach your goal or have everything you want, but at least you'll have memories and life experiences to learn from.
3. Girls are equal to boys. Take it from the person who was the only girl on her high school debate team. The only difference between girls and boys are our genders, and that shouldn't stop a girl from doing what a boy can do, or vice versa. Sure, maybe they're a little stronger, and maybe their voices are a bit deeper, but does that mean that you can't race a boy on your bicycle? Or win against a boy in basketball? No, it doesn't. Whatever your brothers can do, you can do.
4. Be creative. Nourish your individuality, personality, and interests. You are so unique that you should take charge of your opportunity to be different and rule the world with your beautiful, interesting, special personalities. And that is why your father and I are so keen on you girls participating in extracurriculars; because we know how unique you are and these activities only encourage and broaden your exposure to different areas of creativity. Art classes, music lessons, sport practices, and religion activities are a gift, trust me, and your exposure will follow you and be an important part of your life forever. When you feel like drawing, draw. When you feel like playing the piano, play. You are you- amazing, individuals, creative- and your father and I want you to be your best, most wonderful, unique selves.
5. Be proud of yourself. Take it from your mother, who has known you 100% of your life, you are incredible! There is nothing to be ashamed about being you. In your life you may face people who are negative and want to bring you down, whether it be because of your ethnicity or what you look like or other reasons, but you must not let them bother you. Do not take what they say to heart and only worry about what you think of yourself. There is NOTHING about you that you should be ashamed of; every detail, imperfection, and perfection about you is special and should be accepted because it makes you who you are. If you like writing stories, be proud. If you like playing with dolls, be proud. If you love math, be proud. As long as you are a nice, caring, rule-following person than you should not listen to the concerns of any other person and admire who you are.
6. Have a strong sense of self. Some might think this is the same as above, but to me it is different. Having a strong sense of self means being proud in your skin, but I want to touch deeper on this subject. The amazing thing about women is that we are all different, in looks and personality. Some girls and women have brown hair, others blonde, others red, etc. Some girls and women and short, others are tall. Some girls have pale skin, others dark, etc. But it is important not to pay attention and worry over your characteristics, as long as you are happy and healthy. Be proud of how you look and love your beauty just the same. Don't pay attention to the little imperfections about yourself or how others look because you are beautiful.
7. Balance everything in your life. With life comes a lot of responsibilities and things to deal with, especially as you get older. Family, school, work, church, extracurriculars, and more are all things you will have to deal with during your years on earth. That is a lot to deal with and you might get stressed here or there but it is important to balance everything in your life so you get the most of your life and everything important to you. Never spend so much time with your friends that you are neglecting your family. Don't spend all your time focusing on a sport that you are neglecting your faith. Remember what is important to you and what isn't as important. If you are not happy, take a look at your priorities and shift them around. Balance is the key to an organized, structured life.
8. Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. Society is starting to focus more on the outside than the inside, but trust me when I say that that isn't true. Beauty doesn't just come on the outside, it is also on the inside. Your kindness, your soul, and how caring you are far outshines how you look on the inside. Are you giving back to your community? Are you being nice to everyone? Are you modest? Are you making good choices? Those are the things you should be worrying about; not how your makeup looks or if you can fit into size 2 jeans. Think about this: in 50, 60 years are you going to be wondering whether you were popular as a child OR are you going to wonder whether you were nice and did your part in society?
9. Be kind to others. I believe that if everyone could just be nice to each other than the world would be a better place. When there is negativity and rude, inconsiderate, hurtful behavior than tension and conflict arise and that is not good. A peaceful world is better than a problematic one, and the same goes for personalities: a peaceful personality is better than a problematic one. When you are kind to people, people are kind back. And even if they aren't, the feeling and satisfaction of being nice to someone is way more worth it. How does it feel when a mean person is rude? Not so nice, huh? So remember this: don't do the same to others. Be nice to strangers. Be nice to mean people you will encounter throughout your life. Be kind to your siblings. Be kind to everyone.
10. You will mess up; you will make mistakes; you are not perfect. Life is all about making mistakes and learning and growing. You will not always follow this list, you will not always make good choices, and you will not always make Mommy and Daddy happy. There will be tough times in your life and there will be smooth times in your life. You will have good days and bad days. Just make sure that you can look back on your bad experiences and know that you learned and gained something positive from them. You are not perfect, so neither will your life be perfect. I will always be your Mommy and I will always be here to help and support you. Don't ever doubt that. And remember, I will always love you.
I hope you look to this list as a reference as you grow up. You should feel as if it is an honor to grow up as a woman.
Being a mother is my most proudest title. With you and your brothers I feel complete and my best self. From the moment I knew of your existence I couldn't imagine my life without you. My girls. I knew what an honor and gift it would be to be your mother. But it is also scary and quite a tedious job, because I want to make sure I am raising you to be proper, modest, kind, smart, poised girls. And so it has been my heart's desire to guard your heart, protect it, and cherish it during all my days of motherhood.
You all give me a role that I am so grateful for. But who I am and the fact that I am a wife and mother would not have been possible without one thing: the fact that I am a woman. Being a woman is incredible and an honor (I'd much rather be a girl than a boy any day!) but it can also be scary and confusing, especially in today's world. Society is telling you to act one way, when it is actually better to act another way.
I have lived an incredible life, and in this life I have made incredible memories and also a whole bunch of mistakes, just like anyone. From those mistakes, though, have come life lessons and experiences that have made me the person I am today. I want you to know of them and how you should (try) and live your life so you will live your best life and be your best self. Because life is scary. But it's also wonderful. So wonderful that I want you to enjoy it.
And remember, I will always love you.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. Here are ten things I want you to know as you grow up. Things I wish I would of known as a child.
1. You are SO beautiful. Society is grooming children to feel like they need to look and act a certain way, but listen to your mother when I say this is not true. It does not matter what color your hair is, how tall you are, how much you weigh, etc., all that matters is that you are healthy and happy. Uniqueness is truly beautiful, and it is more appealing to stand out and not be stereo typical and the cookie cutter girl. Think about it this way: you are a rare gem in a sea of average diamonds and pearls. Cherish this.
2. Don't let anything stop you. This world is full of negativity, full of "do nots", and full of "no's." When you have a dream, chase it. When you want something, follow it. You will not always reach your goal or have everything you want, but at least you'll have memories and life experiences to learn from.
3. Girls are equal to boys. Take it from the person who was the only girl on her high school debate team. The only difference between girls and boys are our genders, and that shouldn't stop a girl from doing what a boy can do, or vice versa. Sure, maybe they're a little stronger, and maybe their voices are a bit deeper, but does that mean that you can't race a boy on your bicycle? Or win against a boy in basketball? No, it doesn't. Whatever your brothers can do, you can do.
4. Be creative. Nourish your individuality, personality, and interests. You are so unique that you should take charge of your opportunity to be different and rule the world with your beautiful, interesting, special personalities. And that is why your father and I are so keen on you girls participating in extracurriculars; because we know how unique you are and these activities only encourage and broaden your exposure to different areas of creativity. Art classes, music lessons, sport practices, and religion activities are a gift, trust me, and your exposure will follow you and be an important part of your life forever. When you feel like drawing, draw. When you feel like playing the piano, play. You are you- amazing, individuals, creative- and your father and I want you to be your best, most wonderful, unique selves.
5. Be proud of yourself. Take it from your mother, who has known you 100% of your life, you are incredible! There is nothing to be ashamed about being you. In your life you may face people who are negative and want to bring you down, whether it be because of your ethnicity or what you look like or other reasons, but you must not let them bother you. Do not take what they say to heart and only worry about what you think of yourself. There is NOTHING about you that you should be ashamed of; every detail, imperfection, and perfection about you is special and should be accepted because it makes you who you are. If you like writing stories, be proud. If you like playing with dolls, be proud. If you love math, be proud. As long as you are a nice, caring, rule-following person than you should not listen to the concerns of any other person and admire who you are.
6. Have a strong sense of self. Some might think this is the same as above, but to me it is different. Having a strong sense of self means being proud in your skin, but I want to touch deeper on this subject. The amazing thing about women is that we are all different, in looks and personality. Some girls and women have brown hair, others blonde, others red, etc. Some girls and women and short, others are tall. Some girls have pale skin, others dark, etc. But it is important not to pay attention and worry over your characteristics, as long as you are happy and healthy. Be proud of how you look and love your beauty just the same. Don't pay attention to the little imperfections about yourself or how others look because you are beautiful.
7. Balance everything in your life. With life comes a lot of responsibilities and things to deal with, especially as you get older. Family, school, work, church, extracurriculars, and more are all things you will have to deal with during your years on earth. That is a lot to deal with and you might get stressed here or there but it is important to balance everything in your life so you get the most of your life and everything important to you. Never spend so much time with your friends that you are neglecting your family. Don't spend all your time focusing on a sport that you are neglecting your faith. Remember what is important to you and what isn't as important. If you are not happy, take a look at your priorities and shift them around. Balance is the key to an organized, structured life.
8. Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. Society is starting to focus more on the outside than the inside, but trust me when I say that that isn't true. Beauty doesn't just come on the outside, it is also on the inside. Your kindness, your soul, and how caring you are far outshines how you look on the inside. Are you giving back to your community? Are you being nice to everyone? Are you modest? Are you making good choices? Those are the things you should be worrying about; not how your makeup looks or if you can fit into size 2 jeans. Think about this: in 50, 60 years are you going to be wondering whether you were popular as a child OR are you going to wonder whether you were nice and did your part in society?
9. Be kind to others. I believe that if everyone could just be nice to each other than the world would be a better place. When there is negativity and rude, inconsiderate, hurtful behavior than tension and conflict arise and that is not good. A peaceful world is better than a problematic one, and the same goes for personalities: a peaceful personality is better than a problematic one. When you are kind to people, people are kind back. And even if they aren't, the feeling and satisfaction of being nice to someone is way more worth it. How does it feel when a mean person is rude? Not so nice, huh? So remember this: don't do the same to others. Be nice to strangers. Be nice to mean people you will encounter throughout your life. Be kind to your siblings. Be kind to everyone.
10. You will mess up; you will make mistakes; you are not perfect. Life is all about making mistakes and learning and growing. You will not always follow this list, you will not always make good choices, and you will not always make Mommy and Daddy happy. There will be tough times in your life and there will be smooth times in your life. You will have good days and bad days. Just make sure that you can look back on your bad experiences and know that you learned and gained something positive from them. You are not perfect, so neither will your life be perfect. I will always be your Mommy and I will always be here to help and support you. Don't ever doubt that. And remember, I will always love you.
I hope you look to this list as a reference as you grow up. You should feel as if it is an honor to grow up as a woman.
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